Chapter- 12

Eshita cursed her fate left, right and center as she roamed around the giant couch in their living room. Heaven knows what kind of magic mantra Vanya whispered to her bhaiya before leaving that he was suddenly possessed by a fire-spitting Godzilla. That thin tree branch stick felt like a deadly weapon in his hand, as if he was on a hunt, not of any prey but on a hunt of his own sister, and she was yet to understand why?

“Arey mene kiya kya vo toh bata do aap.” Eshita hissed, turning to the other side, “Why are you so determined to murder me?”

Ekansh glared at her, “You locked your teacher into the washroom? Sneaked into admin’s office? Faked principal’s signatures? Got into fights, almost had an accident and still you have the audacity to ask why I am angry? Really, Eshita?” He burst out, “Idhar. Abhi ke abhi.” He pointed at the place before him.

Eshita swallowed hard, shaking her head, now scared. She would curse her friend and also throw Vanya before her active volcano without any remorse, but for now she needed to deal with her Hitler. He looked angry, an anger that she was witnessing after five years, and that warmed her heart. Anyone would think she had gone crazy, but it was hard to understand what she was feeling. She felt an odd sense of comfort in his anger, as if after years, her bhaiya had finally come back to her.

Her brother had a short circuit that made him lose his calm within seconds, that doesn’t mean she was any different, she too fused up, lashing out without thinking twice. However, when she was at fault with such a big list of her mistakes, it was hard to act shameless.

“Aage se nahi karungi,” She said softly, trying to pacify him, “Pakka. Bas iss baar ke liye jaane do.”

Ekansh took a threatening step towards her, “I will make sure of that.”

He was pissed in a way he couldn’t even imagine. More than her cheating in exams or locking her class teacher in school, he was furious at the fact that his sister almost got into an accident and faked the principal’s signatures. First she put her life in danger and then she put her career on stake, risking everything for a reckless whim, something that was a big no in his books.

He understood the meaning of fun and pranks, he had himself had his fair share of mischief and chaos when he was young but definitely not to an extent of getting himself injured or thrown out of school.

Eshita screamed murderer on top of her lungs just as Ekansh was a few steps away from her. She wouldn’t let herself get caught by the lion. Nope! She loved herself more.

“Eshita, stop I said!” Ekansh’s voice floated from behind as she ran up the stairs.

“Ahhhh!” She shriked as Ekansh smacked her on the shoulder just as he caught up with her.

Eshita spun around glaring at her brother, rubbing the sting, “Pagal ho gaye ho kya! It hurts like bi... witch!” she changed her tune as Ekansh’s gaze hardened. “We can have a talk like civil humans, bhaiya. Why do you have to behave like a kadoos boss at a company? Calm down, okay!”

She picked up the flower vase kept in the hallway, forwarding it to him, “Isme paani hai. Pee lo ya apne sar pe daal ke apna dimaag shaant kar lo. Your choice!”

Ekansh was least impressed with her dramatics. He stopped as Eshita walked backwards. “The only civil talk will happen when you come here and stand before me. Just get here, Eshita, right now!” His tone sterned, his patience threading on a thin wire. His sister was getting into his skin like she used to.

Eshita again shook her head, dashing down the corridor to the other side of the wing just as Ekansh raised the stick and lunged forward to catch her. She was pro in escaping his grip, her instincts kicking in at the right time like a saved memory playing on repeat. On her way, she collided with Virendra; he held Eshita, steadying her and breaking the fall.

“What is going on here?” Virendra asked, confused. He glanced at the stick in his son’s hand and the sweat on his daughter’s forehead. History repeating itself, so he wasn’t so shocked, but the reasons used to change every time, so he focused on that. “What did she do now?” he deadpanned, asking his son.

Eshita jumped behind her father, forgetting the resentment she had for him, her safety mattered more.

“Nothing!” She intervened, feigning innocence. “Aapke bete ko mere saath bhaag pitaye khelne ka shauk chadha hai. He is rewinding his old memories at my torturous expense. Just.... just order him to back off!”

“Really?” Ekansh’s sarcastic tone fell in her ear.

Eshita peeked out from behind her father like a small kitten, her eyes pleading him for mercy. She shook her head quickly, “I-I meant you are the best bhaiya. Aapse zyada accha toh koi nahi. Kyun meri jaan ke peeche pade ho yaar! Just... just let it slide and move on. We have better things to focus on. Like... what I want to have for dinner? How about we talk about that rather than my adventures?”

“What adventures?” Virendra asked, alert now. He could clearly sense his daughter did something far from innocent this time.

Ekansh exhaled sharply, throwing away the stick, frustrated. He glared at his sister, “Mere samne aa!” He commanded.

Eshita swallowed hard. She tried to defy his words and keep hiding, but his tone compelled obedience, and after hearing the same tone that once kept her on edge whenever she slipped, even after five years, her feet worked on autopilot. She stood before her brother, staring at the creme marble.

Ekansh grasped her arm firmly, he glanced at his father, “I will deal with her.” He stated coldly, walking past Virendra without any further explanation. Yes, he was angry with him, even outright furious for many other reasons, but he refused to let his father do more damage than he had already caused. He was still the same brother who protected his baby sister from their parents’ reprimand, only to set her right later.

“Bhaiya...” Eshita’s words dried up in her throat as Ekansh shot her a sharp look. Resting her finger on her lips like a toddler, she let him drag her into her room, there was no running away from it.

Ekta stood frozen in the empty hallway. Earlier, she had just stepped out of the room hearing the chaos, however what she witnessed stunned her. If she found herself adjusting to the new world she had stepped into which was difficult, then seeing the look on Ekansh’s face, that intimidating side... felt like watching a stranger she didn’t knew about.

The brother she had lived with and knew was always soft and gentle with her, even when he scolded her, there was no bite in his words, but she had seen the different dynamics Ekansh shared with Eshita; they were raw, real, chaotic yet deeply connected... A whole sole package of everything siblings should have. Ekta didn’t know what shocked her more anymore, the fact that she witnessed Ekansh’s stern side or the truth that he might soon change, as that’s what Eshita wants.

After Eshita’s outburst yesterday, and even with what she overheard in the study room, the conclusion was simple, Eshita wants her bhaiya back, something Ekta had unknowingly snatched away from her. Even though Eshita never once told her or made her feel like that, yet somewhere the unspoken truth was crystal clear, and that unknowingly hurt Ekta.

Her heart ached for the siblings who lost so much due to misunderstandings, but it also clenched for herself, to be the unwanted space between them.

In the morning she had gone to Eshita to thank her for helping her when they were stuck on the highway, to express her gratitude, but Eshita’s words gave her a reality check.

Whatever Eshita did was for Ekansh; she didn’t say it, but Eshita was kind enough to bear with a girl who was called sister by the brother she loved and respected. Eshita was always open, polite and even kind to her just because Ekansh called Ekta his sister, otherwise Ekta could read through the situation, if it had been anyone else, Eshita would have thrown the girl out of the house without any remorse.

Ekta didn’t know if she should pity herself or step back and give them the space they deserved, swallowed by waves of guilt hitting hard and self-doubt settling deep within her.

✨✨✨

Ekansh pushed Eshita into her room, closing the door behind, he was done for the day!

Eshita stepped back but had nowhere to go, before she could even react, two long strides and Ekansh was before her, his hand tugging at her ear in harsh, relentless punishment, “Ouch... ouch bhaiya... dukh raha hai yaar.” Eshita bounced on her feet, trying to pull away. Her brother was not at all going easy on her.

“Sach me? Abhi dard ho raha hai?” Ekansh scolded harshly, giving her ear a good twist, “Yeh dard ya darr tab yaad nahi aaya jab itne naye naye karname kiye aapne, princess? What do you think, driving recklessly on the traffic road, almost crashing the car and getting caught by police is a small thing for you? Teri jaan jaa sakti thi, Eshita!” His voice rose an octave. He released her with a last sharp tug on the ear, “Aur yeh ek baar nahi, kitni baar kiya hai tune. Do you even realize what kind of danger you have put yourself into?”

His anger intensified with each word he spoke. The sister he knew hated reckless drives, she even forbade him from doing so, and when he did, she stopped talking to him for weeks just because her brother broke his promise to keep himself safe.

Ekansh could understand that she was spiraling, going through a lot and that all came out in the form of her impulsiveness, but the fear that coursed through his veins was overwhelming and suffocating.

He left behind a sister that was hurt, but he couldn’t imagine getting punished by losing her forever. The loss of his mother was still hard for him to accept, even after five years, he still searched for his mother’s warmth around him like a lost child. So losing his sister felt like an unbearable nightmare, he never wished to go through, reality, imagination, or even his feared visions, he just couldn’t.

Eshita looked at her brother, guilt flashing in her eyes, “Sorry!” She reached out, holding his hand in hers, “I am really very sorry bhaiya. I know mujhe aisa nahi karna chaiye tha. And I swear, aaj ke baad no more stupidity. Please iss baar ke liye maaf kar dijiye.”

Ekansh pulled back, “You are sorry because I got to know, Eshita. Otherwise you don’t feel even a little bit of remorse for your actions. You are simply okay with what you did. Am I right?”

Eshita stepped back. She couldn’t bring herself to deny it when he was telling the truth. She did that because she wanted to, she did that because she was looking for a distraction, she did every reckless thing because somewhere it helped her forget her present in the thrill of her recklessness. There was no guilt she felt except for satisfaction.

“And if that wasn’t enough, you are ready to play with your career,” Ekansh continued, “Tujhe ho kya gaya hai, Esha. I understand you suffered, but that doesn’t mean you will punish yourself for something that isn’t your fault. Galti meri hai toh gussa mujh par nikal, khud par nahi. Tu New York padhne jaana chahti hai.... kis ke liye? And why? Aur itna bada faisla tune mujhse bina puche le liya, mujhse baat bhi nahi ki. I found out about your decision from Vanya, not from my own sister. Agar bata deti toh I would have come with you.”

“I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want anyone to interfere in my decision.” Eshita snapped without thinking. He was again going back to his calm self. She was hoping to see anger at the sudden decision she made, but here he was, back to being his adjusting self she never saw.

“Aur na mujhe kisi ko apne saath leke jaana hai,” She continued, “I can manage on my own quite well, pichle paanch saal se karti aa rahi hoon. Aage bhi kar lungi. Aapko fikar karne ki zarurat nahi hai, bhaiya.”

Ekansh was taken aback by the sudden outburst. What he just said, there was no other way to it. If Eshita wanted to study abroad, he was ready to find a solution to go with her. But her outright refusal angered him. He had agreed to give her space, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for her or that he didn’t have his own limits to how far he could step back, something Eshita was clearly testing.

“You want to study out of the country?” He asked, his tone controlled.

Eshita nodded, locking her eyes with him.

“Then you can’t go alone!” Ekansh declared firmly.

Eshita raised an eyebrow, “And who are you to decide that?” She forced out the words.

She knew she was overstepping her boundaries, but today she wanted answers, even if it meant disrespecting the brother who meant the world to her. She would grovel and apologize to him for her words later, but she couldn’t let this drag any further. It was draining her beyond limits.

Ekansh stepped forward, holding her gaze, “Tu bhool gayi hai main kaun hoon? Or in your anger did you just forget that you are talking to your elder brother?” His tone was calm but laced with a dangerous edge.

Eshita didn’t back down, “Obviously mujhe pata hai main apne bade bhai se baat kar rahi hoon. But one thing I am not getting is why are you interfering in my decision? Jab maine faisla le liya hai that I am going, means I am going without anyone. That’s final.”

Ekansh’s eyes flashed at her attitude, his sister used to rub that defiance in his face, one thing he hated the most coming from her, “Where is the application form?”

Eshita frowned, pouting at the study table, confused.

Ekansh walked up to the table, picked up the envelope. He glanced back at his sister, “You want to go, fine... but on one condition. You aren’t allowed to go alone.”

Eshita scoffed, “I wasn’t asking for permission, bhaiya....” She trailed off, her eyes widening in shock as Ekansh tore open the envelope.

“BHAIYA!” She almost yelled, fuming, “Aap aisa nahi kar sakte.”

Ekansh’s glare hardened, “Raise your voice at me again and I won’t mind reminding you whom you are talking to,” He snapped back.

“Oh really?” Eshita challenged him, her voice laced with hurt, “Kya karoge? Maaroge? Maar lo.! At least tab mujhe pata chal jayega ki mere bhaiya mere saath hai. Yeh jo control dikha rahe hain aap mujhe... I am hating this indifference with each passing second. Paanch saal pehle tak toh meri ek ucchi awaaz se aapko gussa aa jata tha. But today... it’s like you are enduring. You know what, bhaiya... let me remind you, there is a difference between the sister you left behind and the sister you lived with for five years.”

Ekansh’s eyes softened a bit, “I never differentiate between you and Ekta, Esha...”

“Difference unse kiya jata hai jo matter karte ho.” Eshita cut him off harshly, “That girl is nothing to me. I don’t have a bond with her to feel any jealousy or even the fact that she exists in your life now, all I feel for her is empathy but my anger lies with you. You are the one who changed. You are the one who is standing before me like a brother I don’t even recognise.”

She took a step forward, standing before Ekansh, “Abhi aapne kaha na you understand my sufferings but I shouldn’t punish myself when it is your fault. So I should have gotten angry at you right bhaiya?”

Ekansh nodded, letting her continue and take out everything she was holding back in her system.

“Parr aap the waha?” Eshita’s eyes stung with tears, “Gussa aap par nikalu? Kaise bhaiya? Aap the waha mere sath jab dad mujhe punish karte the? Aap the waha jab vo mujhe dusron ke sath compare karte the? I became his punching bag, his coping machine, a daughter he moulded, controlled, and broke according to his will, playing with my feelings like a puppet. In my distraction I did all sorts of stupid things. Aapko toh sirf meri rash driving ya mere school pranks pata hai na. Wait, I will tell you one more...”

She turned, taking out the sleeping pills bottle from the drawer.

“Yeh dekhiye!” She held it up before him with trembling hands, “Peechle teen saalon se inke bharose apni raate kaat rahi hu. When the silence of the night becomes too loud and chaotic for me, filled with the noises I don’t want to hear, I had to gulp them down to shut everything out... to numb myself.”

Ekansh stood frozen, shocked and horrified. He didn’t even realise when a lump formed in his throat. He gulped down hard, guilt stinging sharp at his heart like a whip being lashed again and again.

Eshita threw away the bottle angrily, “You understand my sufferings? You bhaiya... I am sorry but you don’t! Agar mujhe samaj pte toh jo aap krr rahe ho vo nhi krte. Jb se aapko milli hu aapke ek new version ko aapna bhai khe rahi hu. Aap vo Ekansh Seghal ho he nhi jo duniya ko chup krna jaante the. Jo kisi ko aapne samne muh khulne dene ke phele bhi samne wale ko ijjat lene prr majboor krr dete. Jo aapni bhen se pyaar krte liken uski galat cheez mai uska sath kabhi nhi dete.”

She understood his choices but she can’t bring herself to accept the five years she spent without him; she was filled with emotions that were pent up, suffocating, and long suppressed, and came in form of words raw and unfiltered.

“Esha...” Ekansh tried to reach out to hold her hand to pull her close to comfort her but she stepped back.

“What was our last conversation Bhaiya?” Eshita asked, “We didn’t fight, we didn’t smile, we didn’t have our usual bickering. Our last conversation was you being upset with me right before three hours of you walking away. Aapke gusse ki wajah kya thi? I walked into the garden without letting you know. Today 18-year-old me knows the reasons you wanted to distance yourself from me... that’s why each day you created new reasons to scold me and punish me by keeping me away from you. You were in a way, preparing your sister that you will walk away and she has to live on her own. But you know the 12-year-old me spent years in guilt thinking that my brother walked away when he was angry at me, when he was upset with me.”

She paused for a heartbeat before continuing, “Aapko kya lagta hai mein aapko diya hua wada nhi tod sakti thi? I wouldn’t have listened to dad and become a rebel but the vows I took meant the world to me just like you mean the world to me bhaiya. Mumma ne ek baar kaha tha, an elder brother also holds the place and love of a father. Isliye aapne bhai ko diya hua wada todna mere liye aapne pita ko diye hue wade se kam nhi hota. So tell me how am I wrong or where am I wrong?”

Ekansh looked away first unable to hold the accusing gaze of his sister. Her words overwhelmed him in ways he couldn’t express; it was as if the hurt she felt, the frustration, the feeling of being left behind, everything added to his guilt, plus the soothing words making it hard for him to even breathe properly or gather himself together.

Eshita blinked away the tears, “Aap mujhe chod ke chale gaye. Dad couldn’t find you anywhere. You hid yourself like a master of disappearing without a trace. Great, good job in that! I lived in a hope that one day you would return because you didn’t tell me you were going forever. You just told me that you will come back. I survived with that hope. Aapne wahi kiya jo sahi tha, I won’t ever question a son’s decision but aapne bhai se puchne ka haq toh hai na mujhe bhaiya? Mumma kehte thi jo ho gaya hum usse badal nahi sakte isliye aaj jo haath mein hai uss par dhyan dena chaiye. Toh main bhi wahi kar rahi hoon. Bas ek sawal ka jawab de dijiye... aaj, abhi, maine aisa kya kar diya that you had to be so distant from me? Aap mere saath hoke bhi mere saath nahi hai. You are always cautious around me... always dancing on eggshells, always holding yourself back. Why bhaiya?” Her voice cracked.

Ekansh pulled her in his warmth without wasting any second. She sounded so fragile that it broke his heart that he was the one who had made her feel this way.

“You did nothing Wrong. I was never angry at you, Esha,” He murmured quietly. Pulling back, he cradled her face in his palm, “I was never angry at you. Yes, you are right... I wanted to create distance and I chose that way. But in reality, I was never angry. Agar tujhse gussa hota toh sort out karta, kabhi bina sort kiye tujhe chod ke nahi jaata. I wanted you to hate me and move on for hurting you...” He stopped as Eshita pulled back.

“Wow!” Eshita clapped mockingly, “You expected your sister to hate the brother she grew up with? Ek bhen jo apne bhai ko saalon se rakhi bandhti ayi hai, ek pita ka darja deti hai... wahi bhen apne bhai se nafrat kare just because he is angry and distant with her? Itna hi bharosa tha aapko mujh par, humare rishte par?”

“I was not thinking straight, Esha.” Ekansh spilled out, frustrated, “There was a lot happening. I was trying to understand dad’s sudden change, his drinking, then his silence, the promise he asked, and then the letter I received... everything was messed up.”

He looked at Eshita, “But that doesn’t give me the right for me to excuse your feelings or ignore you. I just wanted the best for you, Eshu, but maybe that became the worst decision of my life.”

He pulled her back into his warmth, noticing the tears streaming down her face. He made his own share of mistakes, that he let his emotions overpower his judgment, he let his mind do whatever it seemed right, but if he would have known the outcome being so devastating, he would have left behind a letter for his sister, an assurance, a way to stay in touch with her rather than making her believe that he was angry at her and he walked away at such a minor thing.

Ekansh held Eshita close to his heart, “I am sorry.” He murmured quietly. He reached out, resting his hand on his sister’s head. “I have made mistakes, Eshu. And the biggest one of them was leaving behind my baby sister when she needed me the most. I am sorry for making you believe that I am angry at you when I left.”

Eshita’s eyes fogged with fresh tears; the honesty in his eyes and sincerity in his tone hit the right chord of her heart. She shook her head, trying to say something, but Ekansh didn’t let her.

“I am sorry for making you feel abandoned.” He added, “I am sorry that you had to grow up before time. I am sorry I didn’t give you time to cope up with the pain you felt when we lost mom. I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most. I am sorry for calling someone else my sister without keeping your regard.... but things weren’t in my hands, it just happened with a flow I had no control over.”

Ekansh cradled her face in his palm gently, his tone softened, “But I can assure you, baache... itne saalon mein kuch nahi badla hum dono ke liye. Hum saath nahi the... lekin rishtey tootte nahi hain, Esha... bas chhut jaate hain, bikharte kabhi nahi hai. Tu aaj bhi meri bhen hai. Aaj bhi meri hi baachi hai. Aaj bhi meri first priority. It’s your word against the world, Eshu... and it will never change. Apne bhaiya ko maaf kar de, please.”

A broken sob escaped Eshita’s mouth. She threw herself at Ekansh, wrapping her arms around him, burying her face in his chest... the dam broke!

She cried out for the years they missed each other, for the harshness she faced from her father, for the mother she lost but could never bring herself to mourn; she sobbed for the loneliness that had consumed her, she let go of every ounce of pain she had buried deep within herself one after another, fresh batches of tears flooding her eyes, pouring out years of suppressed grief and silent suffering a twelve-year-old had learned to surpass, but when the eighteen-year-old her finally found the solace she had been searching for, she was unable to hold back the storm of emotions crashing through her.

Ekansh held her tightly, his hands caressing her hair in a soothing manner. He didn’t ask her to stop, or even move an inch, he stood there holding her and then sank down to the floor with Eshita still in his warmth, letting her take everything out of her system.

Even if her tears made him feel like he was having a fire bath, he let her be. Tears help in releasing the pain that words often fail to express, and he knew that better than anyone else.

Ekansh knew he was the reason behind his sister’s hurt, but he refused to drown in guilt. He was determined to never let her cry like this again, he would make sure he fulfilled each and every moment he had missed and Eshita had longed for, to be fulfilled with love, care, and the warmth she deserved. Healing was the process that may take time but with efforts and patience everything falls into place.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

Was Eshita justified in expressing her pain this way, or did she cross a line somewhere?

Was Ekansh right in the way he handled the situation and apologized?

Did the confrontation feel like a step toward healing, or are there still unresolved emotions between the siblings that need to be addressed?

 ✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

Don't forget to share your views!

Next Update: Wednesday!

Thanks for reading!!!

← Previous                               Next →