Chapter- 27

Silence was not a language Radha ever understood. When angry, she was used to facing bursts of rage, harsh words, or even a few slaps here and there, but silence? Never that.

So when, for the first time, Mahir was angry with her, she didn’t know how to navigate through those invisible walls between them. To be precise, it wasn’t even the first time; truth be told, she had witnessed a suppressed fury in her Bhaiya’s eyes from the moment she woke up in the hospital, but he had been restraining himself just because she was injured.

Earlier, whenever Mahir got angry at her for speaking badly about herself or for hiding her panic attacks, he never chose silence. He always chose gentle but firm words to make her understand that she mattered.

However, today it was different.

Mahir was taking care of her, feeding her with his own hands, giving her medicines on time, applying ointment on her wounds, but everything he did was in complete silence. The abundance of his love was evident, and so was the disappointment beneath it. And that stung. She would have preferred angry words over this quiet restraint because seeing her Bhaiya hold back hurt far more than any scolding ever could.

Shreya, who had entered the room to say her goodbyes, stopped at the threshold. She had a flight to catch; Arjun was going to drop her at the airport. She was returning to Delhi, to her home, now that Radha was fit and fine.

But her heart went out to the little girl sitting on the bed.

Mahir had told her everything that had happened. At first, Shreya had been furious at Radha. But slowly, when she looked past the mistake and into the storm that had led to it, she began to understand Radha’s point of view too.

A person filled with insecurities, self-doubt, and a constant fear of being unwanted, yet overflowing with unconditional love for her brothers, could end up making the most self-destructive choices. Even if what Radha chose was wrong, at the end of the day, they couldn’t overlook the pain and desperation that had driven her there.

However, Shreya couldn’t ignore Mahir’s hurt either.

Mahir had been living in silent agony from the moment he found out about Radha’s suicide attempt. The fear he carried, the kind no one else could see, she had witnessed it herself. He was always around Radha now, never leaving her alone long enough for her thoughts to spiral. And whenever he couldn’t be there for some reason, he made sure one of his brothers stayed beside her, constantly checking, constantly ensuring that his sister was fine.

That kind of fear doesn’t fade easily. It carves itself into a person. And what had happened recently had only increased the depths of his helplessness and guilt.

Shreya walked inside and settled down beside Radha. The girl was still staring at the door in a daze.

“Where is Bhaiya, Di?” Radha asked before Shreya could say something. Truth be told, Mahir at least was around her, but her other two brothers simply refused to even enter the room. She missed the warmth of the moments when they smiled and joked.

“Why did you do it, Radha?” Shreya asked, coming straight to the point. ”You know how much your brothers love you. Uncle and Aunty have are wrong and they won’t ever change. But, your brothers are there to protect you. They don’t even leave you alone when their parents are around just so they can protect you. And what you did in return… you want to leave them...”

“No, Di.” Radha intervened gently, “I am not going anywhere.” Now that someone asked, she just wanted to let it out, and with Shreya, it came easily for her.

Shreya looked shocked. ”Then that application?”

Radha sighed in frustration, ”It was just me being an idiot. Badi Maa said so many things that day. Even at school, a lot was going on. She had given me the forms just a few days after Bhaiya left. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was looking for an escape rather than making things worse, so I just signed the papers. And then everything went out of hand before I could even tell her that I won’t go anywhere. And now here we are...”

Her voice broke. ”How could I even think about leaving my brothers… leaving Bhaiya, Di… aap toh mera vishwas kijiye. Mein kahin nahi jaana chahati, mein kahin nahi jaungi. ((Di…? Please, you have to believe me. I don’t want to go anywhere. I won’t go anywhere.)”

Shreya was too stunned to speak.

“Jo tune abhi kaha vo sach hai? (Is what you just said true?)” Arjun asked as he entered the room, Abhi following right behind him.

They had only come to check on their sister because Mahir had scolded them for avoiding Radha, reminding them how sensitive and fragile everything was right now.

However, whatever they had just heard worked like a soothing balm on their wounded hearts.

“I swear Bhaiyu,” Radha’s tone was laced with desperation. “I am not going anywhere. Mein aisa kuch nahi karungi jis mein Bhaiya ki manzuri na ho. (I won’t do anything without Bhaiya’s permission.)”

Arjun nodded; he knew she wouldn’t lie like that. ”I will go and talk to Bhaiya.”

Radha shook her head immediately, ”I will sort it out with him...”

“But...”

“Please Bhaiyu.” Radha pleaded, ”Galti meri hai. Mujhe baat ko yahan tak pahunchane he nhi dena chahiye tha. Jab Badi Maa ne mujhse papers sign karne ko kaha, I should have stopped her and myself, but I didn’t. (It’s my fault. I should never have let things reach this point. When Badi Maa asked me to sign the papers, I should have stopped her and myself, but I didn’t.) Anyway, jo ho gaya, I can’t undo that, but I want to make it up to Bhaiya. Pehle vo gussa the, ab toh hurt bhi hai meri wajah se. (Anyway, what’s done is done, I can’t undo it. But I want to make it up to Bhaiya. Earlier he was angry… now he’s hurt too, because of me.)”

Abhi plopped down beside Radha. He didn’t say anything, but the sadness in his sister’s voice got to him. Gently, he pulled her into his warmth. He was himself hurt, but the truth in Radha’s eyes made it impossible for him to hold onto his anger.

“Don’t overthink, baacha.” Arjun murmured softly, reaching out for his sister’s hand. ”Bhaiya tujhse waise bhi zyada samay tak gussa nahi rahe sakte.(Bhaiya can’t stay angry at you for long anyway.) Talk to him rather than apologizing again and again. Galti ki maafi maangna agar zaroori hai, toh apni galti ko samajhna aur usse sudharna bhi utna hi zaroori hai. (If asking for forgiveness for a mistake is important, then understanding your mistake and correcting it is just as important.)”

“Sometimes, words need to be said, Radha,” Shreya added softly. ”Even if it’s your fear or your love… you have to say it out loud for someone to understand it. Mein maanti hoon tere bhaiya tere dil ki baat tere bina kuch keh jaan lete hain, par kabhi kabhi kuch darwaze jab tak hum khud nahi kholte, samne waala kaise andar aa sakta hai? (I agree your brothers can read your heart without you saying anything, but sometimes, unless you open certain doors yourself, how can the other person step inside?)”

Radha nodded; she understood that clearly. She had a lot to say and talk about; however, before that conversation, she needed to gather herself. And she would.

✨✨✨

The sunset point always held a special place in the siblings’ hearts. It was the only place where they celebrated each other’s birthdays away from the city crowds, family chaos, and unspoken tensions. A place where they laughed and cried equally, sharing their emotions and finding a sounding board in each other at different times.

So, standing there under the black canvas and gazing at the moon shining in silence brought a lot of bittersweet memories flooding back.

The chilling wind brushed against Radha’s skin, grounding her to the reality of her life at sixteen. Life… the simple word felt like a heavy weight resting on her shoulders, something she wished to escape from rather than face.

Her thoughts trailed off as she felt a jacket drop over her shoulders gently. Radha stood quietly, and here was the reason she would rather face her life than escape it... Her Bhaiya.

She had simply asked him, she wanted to go to the sunset point, and like his usual self, he brought her there without any arguments or questions, only because she wasn’t in pain anymore and could move around carefully, something the doctors had advised he took very seriously.

“I didn’t mean to sign the papers,” Radha murmured softly, her gaze fixed on the horizon.

If she kept quiet, her bhaiya would let her be; he always gave her time to relax and breathe and then instigated the conversation. But today she had to start from somewhere to ease the hurt she had unknowingly caused to a brother who had always stood by her side like an unshakable wall of support and love.

“It was just my impulsiveness, my mistake that I just don’t know what I was thinking and I signed the form.” She turned to face Mahir, who stood just a little away from her.

“Mene aaj tak aapse jhoot nahi kaha bhaiya, (I have never lied to you, Bhaiya.) you know I can’t lie and even if I do you can read through it clearly.” She stepped forward, taking Mahir’s hand in hers, ”Mene vo papers sign kiye the, (Yes, I signed those papers.) I won’t deny that. But it just happened in the heat of the moment. Mein aapki ijazat ke bina aisa kuch nahi karungi jo aapko hurt kare. Mein nahi jaati bhaiya..... (I won’t ever do anything without your permission that could hurt you. I wouldn’t have gone anywhere, Bhaiya…)”

“Mere na kehne ke baad bhi nahi? (Even after I said no?)” Mahir asked, interjecting her.

He knew the answer already, but for the first time, he feared to be hearing something he wasn’t ready for. He understood Radha who was facing much bigger emotional turmoils and at her age, it’s hard to face them altogether, but she was still trying. Her taking the initiative to speak first was the ray of hope for him, yet somewhere his heart held its own fears too. He couldn’t help it.

“Ji. (Yes)” Radha replied without missing a beat, ”Agar aap nahi keh dete to mein nahi jaati. Agar aaj Mom Dad hote aur wo mujhe hostel jaane ke force bhi karte toh mein pehle aapse puchti. (If you had said no, I wouldn’t have gone. Even if Mom and Dad were here today and they forced me to go to the hostel, I would have asked you first.) It doesn’t matter if they are my parents… it’s you who has always held me, Bhaiya. I don’t know how to prove that… I don’t know how to explain what your words and decisions mean to me. I respect you the most in this family, Bhaiya. I hurted you, and for that I am really so...” Before she could complete, Mahir pulled her into his warmth.

“You don’t need to prove me or anyone anything, baache.” Mahir’s tone softened; he couldn’t bear for her to apologize for something that wasn’t even her fault. ”I trust you, Radha.”

Radha’s fingers fisted on his T-shirt like a child seeking shelter in a heavy storm, trembling, afraid, yet brave enough to do what was needed to hold onto her only safe place. Each passing second, her grip tightened on Mahir’s T-shirt, trying to gather her scrambled thoughts all over again to have the conversation with her bhaiya.

Despite the words filtering into her ears, said by Raghav and Payal, she still wanted to talk it out for once, ignoring all the noises from her past. Radhika Dhanrajgir was finally letting herself face it; rather than run, choose rather than suppress, think about herself rather than giving more importance to her parents’ teachings.

She was ready to take the next step that came after crying, though still guilty, shaken and overwhelmed, yet brave, determined, and hopeful.

“I am prepared.” Radha mumbled against Mahir’s chest.

Mahir frowned, looking down at her, ”For what, baacha?”

Radha pulled back, meeting his gaze, ”You asked me a question a few weeks ago. I am ready for that, Bhaiya.”

Mahir held her gaze, his heart pounding in his chest, ”Kis ke liye kar rahi hai Radhika? (For whom are you doing all this, Radhika?)”

Radha turned away, walking up to the railing. Her body shivered as she gripped the cold metal. For whom was she doing this?

Radha didn’t remember when was the last time someone had asked her that question. Whatever little life she had lived was always for her parents, hoping to see pride in their eyes, craving their unconditional love and attention despite the jealousy she felt for other kids who got what she didn’t.

She stooped so low that she started to degrade herself, curse herself, blame herself for not being enough. Thinking maybe if she did that, she would stop expecting so much from her parents. Self-destruction does nothing but cripple people, but she did it to make herself understand that she was not worth anything and that whatever was happening with her, she deserved it.

Radha’s gaze flickered to the moon. ”The moon is smiling, Bhaiya,” her voice cut through the silence. ”It’s not shining like a round big globe is supposed to.”

Mahir stepped beside her, his gaze fixed on the canvas above. ”It’s in its healing phase. Sometimes it’s okay to do that. It can’t just forget itself and think about the whole world. There are trillions of stars in the galaxy, even if the moon disappears, the stars will still find a way to light up the sky.”

Radha let the words sink into her system, hearing the depth hidden behind them.

“Aapko yaad hai, aapne ek baar kaha tha the moon is the most imperfectly perfect creation in the galaxy?” She turned to face Mahir.

Radha had refused to believe it, as despite being imperfect, despite bearing the scars and craters, it still shone bright like a lamp in the darkness, sometimes alone and sometimes with the stars enhancing its beauty.

If Radha compared herself to the moon, then she was nothing but a coward. And if she took the next step, she could proudly say she tried, just like the moon does every single night instead of hiding in the shadows and drowning in its own darkness.

Radha’s eyes glazed with tears as for the first time she acknowledged her scars to herself.

A hand slipped on her shoulder without a word, supporting her without any obligation or imposition... just present in the silence of the dark night.

“Kud ke liye. (For myself.)” Radha whispered quietly. Her voice shook, but it carried courage and truth of its own.

Mahir leaned forward, placing a tender kiss on her crown, ”I am proud of you, baacha.” He whispered back, as if scared to break the moment.

Radha turned around, throwing herself at him, burying her face in his chest. Those words were her last straw to hold back. Her shoulders shook, and a sob escaped her lips, but her bhaiya didn’t stop her from pouring out her emotions, telling her they are a sign of weakness and that was what she ever needed.

After a while, she pulled back, feeling a lot better than she had ever felt. A small smile crept onto her lips. ”I spoiled your T-shirt,” she pointed at the big fat tear stain on his white T-shirt.

“It’s washable, Radha.” Mahir ruffled her hair playfully. ”Now that you are feeling better, can we talk about your need to step out of the house without informing your brothers?”

Radha clenched her eyes shut, lowering her head. She thought her bhaiya would forget with time, but obviously, a Godzilla doesn’t forget anything.

“Sorry?” She asked rather than said.

The sudden switch from his soft tone to a sharp one was intimidating; she wished she could learn that too, but the point was, on whom would she apply it? She was the youngest herself.

“I need an explanation, Radha.” Mahir tilted her face up, forcing her to meet his gaze. ”Agar tujhe kuch ho jata uss accident mein, toh kya karta Arjun? I wasn’t here; do you realize kitna darr gaye honge tere bhai jab tu ghar prr nahi dikhi? (If something had happened to you in that accident, what would we have done? I wasn’t even here. Do you realize how scared your brothers must have been when they didn’t find you at home?) They couldn’t even think properly, their fear of what might have happened, where you were, how you were, didn’t let them think straight. It just made them panic.”

“I wasn’t thinking, bhaiya.” Radha replied weakly, guilt lacing her tone.

Mahir nodded, cradling her face in his palm. ”Yes, you weren’t. I can understand what you must have been going through that day. Par jaldbazi mein koi aisa faisla lena jo hamare parivaar ko nuksaan pahunchaaye aur hume bhi... Galat hai. (But making a hasty decision that harms our family and you as well… that’s wrong.) If you were feeling suffocated inside the house, you could have stepped in the garden or asked the guards to follow you. Tere saath tera khyal rakhne ke liye tujhe protect karne ke liye koi toh hota (At least someone would have been there to look after you, to protect you.) That’s all what I want rather than seeing you getting injured and lying in the hospital.”

Radha nodded, ”I will be careful next time. Promise!”

Mahir wrapped his arms around her shoulders as she hugged him again. The way her face fell, he didn’t like seeing that. If it would have been his brothers, they would have whined to get out of the lecture instead of listening to the torture; for a fact, they wouldn’t have even promised him anything.

Mahir sighed inwardly. The day Radha will start behaving her age, he will be the happiest one on the planet Earth. He wasn’t even planning to talk about what had happened, but precautions were the first priority that he wanted his child to learn and understand without making her feel guilty.

“I am off the hook?” Radha mumbled quietly.

If it would have been her parents, they would have yelled at her, at top of their lungs... the moment she opened her eyes in the hospital, caring a damn about her injuries and letting her know how she wasted their time. She even knew her final sentence... grounded for weeks or put on house arrest, the easiest.

However, with her Bhaiya, it was new territory; her first time. He didn’t even yell or scold; he simply talked and made her understand, but she did hear the edge in his tone.

As far as she had seen, when Abhi got in trouble and their bhaiyu saved the brat, he always took his gadgets away just to make Abhi realize that what he did was wrong, but not as big a crime to lower your self-worth. Again, something she was deprived of.

Mahir was in a fix. He knew the transgression, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that his mother was wholly responsible for pushing Radha to walk away. Other than that, it was Radha’s first mistake, yet one that endangered her safety, her life.

Again, if it would have been his brothers, Mahir knew he wouldn’t have gone so gentle on them. Actually, he would beat some sense into their thick skulls, but with Radha, he couldn’t bring himself to do any of that.

However, if he let her off the hook saying it’s okay, his sister would overthink and walk down the wrong lane of thoughts, and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Two weeks of vegetable juice. Two times a day.” Mahir declared firmly.

She was already on medication with weakness in her bones; it was best and safe for him and her as well.

“Yuck!” Radha cringed, stepping back from his warmth.

“How about one week?” She tried her luck.

Mahir raised an eyebrow, ”Negotiation leads to extension, not the other way around, Radha.”

Radha looked away, sulking. Two weeks of vegetable juice, and she would turn into a walking vegetable herself for sure.

“It’s getting late. Come, we should leave. Abhi and Arjun will be waiting.” Mahir nudged her.

Radha nodded, letting him guide her to her car.

Breaking free is hard sometimes, next to impossible, but trying is worth it. And the upcoming dawn was the answer that no matter how dark, darker, darkest your night is, the shining sun every morning is the answer; that nothing lasts long until unless you are willing to learn how to move ahead and let go!

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