Light golden rays peeked into the room through the half-drawn curtains, in the stillness of early morning. The sound of the beeping machine sliced through the air, breaking the silence with a cold, mechanical reminder of her condition.
Mahir sat on the stool, his honey brown orbs fixed on Radha, who lay there with an oxygen mask, monitors attached to her fragile form, and an IV in her veins. It had been more than six hours since she passed out.
His heart refused to calm down. The ride to the hospital was a living hell; he drove through burning under his skin with fear clawing at his insides. The doctor’s words rang in his ears on repeat. Her pulse dropped, and her panic attack had escalated beyond control, turning her condition severe.
Mahir felt numb in every nerve of his body. He sat there holding her hand in his, as that was the only way she relaxed; otherwise, she was stirring even in her sedative state, and that broke him a little more.
Arjun sat back on the couch in the room, with Abhi curled up in his warmth. He was just going to sleep when he heard Mahir calling him out. The state of Radha, lying limp in his arms, shocked him to the core. He didn’t know what went wrong. Before sleeping, he had made sure Radha was fine; she even told him she was. But now here they were…
If he had known or seen through her brave pretense, maybe… just maybe, he could have stopped things from spiraling. Now, each passing moment felt like walking on burning coal, knowing the end but still being unable to do anything to stop it.
Radha flinched, startling Mahir. He rose to his feet instantly, leaning forward, caressing her hair, “Radha…” he called out softly.
Radha’s eyes fluttered weakly, subconsciously her hold on Mahir’s hand tightened, the memories blurring before her vision on repeat.
“Radha…” Arjun called out urgently, standing on the other side. The moment he saw his bhaiya stand, he couldn’t stop himself either.
“Princess, open your eyes,” he urged softly.
Radha heard both her brothers. She tried to open her eyes but couldn’t gather the courage. Seeing that blur rewind felt like a better punishment she deserved than walking out of them into her Bhaiya’s safe arms.
Her hand fisted tightly in the bedsheet; she wanted to see that… she wanted to relive those fights. She could see her own pathetic self, crying, hiding, keeping quiet, pretending that nothing happened, but in reality being a coward, running away, not stepping in for the mother who gave her birth.
Mahir reached out, pressing the call button instinctively. He tried to open her tight clenched fist, “Radha, relax yourself baacha,” he pleaded. The blood oozing out of the needle due to pressure worried him.
Like a broken cassette, the scene played before her eyes, words rang in her ears, each meaning now slowly making sense, each word now piercing deeper than before as she understood.
Before, she never let herself think about it all, turning off her emotions, but now that the memories clung to her, she couldn’t ignore them, couldn’t help but hear what she had always wanted to avoid.
Her father wanted to kill her! The words cut through her soul like a blade ripping her apart from within. What had she done so wrong that her own father wanted to erase her existence? Was it in her hands to be born? Was she given a choice to choose her parents? The hate her father had towards her was because she was a girl child, but was it really in her hands to even decide her own birth or existence?
The doctor stepped in, and the brothers stepped back, giving her space.
Preeti checked over Radha; her pulse was skyrocketing. She tapped Radha’s cheeks gently, “Radhika?” Her voice warm, “Open your eyes, Radhika.”
Radha fidgeted, her head turning to the other side. The nightmare didn’t end just yet. She again tried to pull herself out of it, but the questions shackled her back. What life would her parents have had if she had never been born? Definitely happy… a life without a child was better than a child who was a curse.
She found her six-year-old self walking into her parents’ room after pranking her brothers. Her brothers loved her the most, but obviously, after her parents.
It’s just their way of showing love was different. When her brothers displayed their care and affection openly, her parents chose their strict, cold selves to love her and care for her.
Her little heart didn’t give her reasons to differentiate between the two kinds of love; she was that innocent child who believed her parents could do no wrong, even if it was harsh or hurtful beyond measure.
She giggled, rushing inside, excited, hugging her mother from behind, who was busy talking to her husband, “Mumma, you know...”
“Can’t you see I am talking to your father?” Her mother snapped, pushing her away angrily.
Radha’s smile wiped off, and her excitement died down. She glanced at her father; he seemed angry, too. Her lips wobbled; she pressed them tightly. Her parents didn’t like it when she cried…
“Sorry…” she murmured, “I…”
“Just get lost!” Her father snapped.
Radha flinched back at the harshness. She glanced at her mother…, but as she looked away, Radha turned, walking away with teary eyes. Maybe she disturbs them.
The doctor looked at Mahir, “Mr. Dhanrajgir, I can’t give her a sedative. I have injected the last one just a few hours ago; for the second one, there should be at least four to five hours’ gap. Her body has started to burn from fever.”
She continued seriously, “I need her to wake up before I treat the fever, otherwise it will worsen her condition and affect her system further. It’s like she is trapped inside her own mind, unable to pull herself out of it.”
Mahir tensed, “What can I do, doctor? I can do anything to wake her up.” He was desperate. The more Radha struggled and writhed in her unconscious state, the more he felt shattered.
“Wake her up,” Preet’s tone softened, “Jahan koi doctor nahi pahunch sakta, wahan parivaar ka, kisi apne ka pyaar pahunch sakta hai. (Where a doctor cannot reach, the love of family can.) Radha can hear us even now… It’s just that she is drowning in her own fears and memories without knowing who will help her out of it.”
Mahir stepped forward, his fingers wrapping around Radha’s hand, “Radha…” he whispered brokenly, “get up, baacha. Aapne bhaiya ki baat nahi maanogi, Radha? (Won’t you listen to your brother?).”
He felt her fingers tightening around him, but she refused to open her eyes. Her lashes flickered as if she was seeing something, fighting something he was unaware of, yet losing herself to it.
Radha’s figure reclined again. She heard her bhaiya calling, then Bhaiyu, then Abhi joining in, but she held onto the darkness, wanting to walk down further into her own trap, to suffer a little more… she deserved it.
Now that she had her Bhaiya beside her, she could differentiate his pure love from the toxicity her parents displayed. The bubble she was living in had burst long before she realized, but she forced herself into that mould until the last few months when her parents passed away.
Radha should feel for what she had seen, the way her father abused her mother, but then her mother’s indifference, her hateful gaze, flashed like a cruel reminder. She craved for a mother’s love… for whom she cried and spent sick, sleepless nights waiting for a warm embrace as the only medicine, but never received any.
But it was her mother, right? She should at least feel a little pain or grief, but the truth was she felt nothing, neither hate, nor pride, nor even disgust. She was blaming herself just because she didn’t step in when it mattered the most, not because of any love she felt for her mother, and that made her feel hollow and broken inside. She was the worst daughter any mother could ask for.
The empathy she was expected to feel was lacking in her system for her own mother; it was the biggest sin she committed in her own eyes.
Her breath hitched; she gasped out loud. She deserved it… every hateful glance, every shrug, angry words, hurtful taunts… she deserves...
“Tere bina bhi tu mere paas hai, (Even in your absence, you are still with me…).” Mahir’s soothing voice trailed off her self-destructive thoughts.
Radha stilled like a storm, suddenly losing its rage mid-way. Her fingers held onto Mahir, anchoring herself, her thoughts slowly coming to a pause…
“Dhadkno mein tera hi ehsaas hai…(In every heartbeat, it’s only your presence I feel…).” Mahir sang, his voice soft and trembling with emotion, filling the room with warmth and quiet desperation.
He leaned forward, pressing down a gentle kiss on her forehead,
“Rab se jo maanga tha kabhi,
Wohi dua ab toot na jaaye…”
“What I once asked from God,
I hope that prayer never breaks…
Radha felt each word sinking down her system, her panic attack slowly unraveling, and she felt the shackles holding her back loosening up…
“Tu jo mile ek baar mujhe,
Yeh andhera bhi roshni ban jaaye…
Aankhon se girte har ek aansu,
Main haathon se chupke saaf kar jaaun…”
“If I find you even once,
This darkness would turn into light…
Every tear that falls from your eyes,
I would quietly wipe away with my hands…”
Radha felt the longing in her brother’s voice. She felt a hand on hers, Arjun then Abhi’s touch… all three of them were there… waiting for her to open her eyes, to get up. Her eyes watered…
Mahir noticed the tears, wiping them off tenderly with his thumb,
As if without you, we are incomplete… breaking a little every moment…”
Radha gasped out loud, her eyes snapped open. The truth in those words, the love she craved for all her life, knocked onto her locked-up caged heart, finally breaking the chains she let herself cling to and pulling her back into the warmth she was always meant to belong to.
Mahir’s vision blurred; he blinked the tears away instantly before any of them could notice. He had written that melody for her; his music had always been a lullaby for his sister.
On nights when he knew she couldn’t sleep… when she had fought her battles alone and still couldn’t come to him, he would step onto his balcony and sing.
Softly. Quietly. Making sure his voice carried just enough for her to hear, every word, every lyric, every note wrapped around her like a promise. So would drift into a peaceful slumber, forgetting the ones who hurt her.
It had always worked. Just like now.
Mahir helped Radha gently, removing her mask; the doctor had already removed the IV earlier. He helped her up with the care of a small newborn baby and pulled her into his warmth, finally at peace.
Losing Radha to her fears, to her memories, to her darkness would have been his biggest failure. He wanted to heal her, not watch her shatter piece by piece in front of him.
Radha let herself relax. In the war between her mind and heart, she lost it, letting the moment pass. Who won, she was yet to decide… that battle wasn’t over yet, it had only paused for now.
Arjun pulled Abhi into his warmth as the latter tried to gulp down his tears, something he didn’t have to when he was there. He knew his bhaiya would always hold Radha, and he was there for Abhi. Both of them knew how to care for the one bond they treasured for their life.
✨✨✨
The sun rose in the sky, its sharp rays spilling through the curtains into the room.
Mahir walked into the ward with his sister’s favourite sandwich from the café she preferred, something Arjun brought. He had sent both his exhausted brothers home, forcing them out of the hospital. He had one sick, stubborn patient on his hands; he wasn’t looking for another, either.
Radha would get her discharge by night. Her fever had come down, which was triggered earlier because of her overwhelming thoughts, but weakness due to the attack was still lingering in her body.
Radha looked up at Mahir as he levered her bed. She stared at him quietly as he placed the towel on her lap, adjusted her pillow perfectly as per her comfort, making sure even the slightest thing didn’t trouble her. Everything exuded his care and attentiveness.
She looked on as he settled down, bringing the sandwich near her mouth. She glanced at it and back at him once before her gaze dropped.
Mahir frowned, lowering his hand, “What happened? You want to eat something else?”
Radha shook her head slowly, “I-I am sorry.”
“Why?” Mahir asked, confused. He didn’t like that guilty stance his sister took.
“It’s your birthday and I just… I just came down with att-attack…” She murmured nervously.
She didn’t mean to spoil his day. Birthdays are very special occasions for every human being present on the earth, but she was one of those who spoiled the special days of others without even meaning to. She felt ashamed of herself and guilty for repeating the same mistake she made last year.
“Birthday har saal aata hai, Radha. (Birthdays come every year, Radha.) Mahir’s voice softened, “Aur kisi ka birthday special nahi hota, uss din uss insaan ke saath rehne wale log uss din ko special banaate hai. Mere liye mere paas meri bhen hai. (A birthday isn’t special on its own; it’s the people around who make it special. For me, I have my sister with me.) And that’s more than enough for me.”
Radha couldn’t agree with that. Birthdays came every year, but she spoiled them one way or the other. She was supposed to be the special one, but she was the one away when he needed her around. She couldn’t help but compare; each year, she refused, distanced, or forced the celebration to wrap up quickly, too scared to anger her parents and disappoint them with herself.
Mahir saw through it. She didn’t agree with him. He sighed, setting aside the plate. He had been itching to ask that one question that had been nagging his mind. He was delaying, but now he couldn’t.
He reached out, holding her hand in his, “Radha… will you look at me?” he asked softly.
Radha’s gaze lifted, meeting his calm ones.
“Can you tell me what happened? Why did you...” He stopped abruptly, noticing the way she stiffened, and averted her gaze.
His brows creased in a frown, “Baacha, tu mujhe batayegi nahi toh main teri madad kaise karunga? (If you don’t tell me, how will I help you?)…”
He trailed off as Radha pulled back from his grasp.
“It ‘s-it’s nothing.” She murmured, looking away.
Her fingers tightened around the bedsheet. Her breath turned uneven and shallow, another episode back on its way. She didn’t know why, when she felt nothing in her heart for that particular moment, yet it still flashed before her eyes, reminding her of the failures and betrayals she had unknowingly caused to the people she loved the most.
“Radha…” Mahir rose to his feet instinctively. The changes in her demeanor were visible to him. He tried to hold her hand, reach out, anchor her back, but she pulled away.
“Radha, main yahi hoon. Sab theek hai. (I am right here. Everything is fine.” He tried to reassure her without knowing the reason for what was triggering her again.
Radha looked away. She wanted to hold onto him, but her father’s venomous words rang in her ears like a warning. He once wanted her to shove away her bhaiya, the same man who had given her his protection, his love, his everything without asking for anything in return.
Suddenly, she couldn’t bring herself to look at her bhaiya, ashamed of her father’s thoughts and her own existence.
A startled gasp escaped her lips, her fingers reaching, clutching around her throat, and the air itself felt like slipping away from her. She hated all this suffocation consuming her again and again.
Worried and anxious, Mahir reached to press the call button when Ajay walked in calmly. He was out of town and had landed just early morning when he received the call from Mahir that he had to cancel today’s session with Radha.
As Mahir explained to him the whole scenario, Ajay could come to one conclusion: Radha was holding onto not just a simple memory that hurt her and shaped her, but a trauma that had rooted itself deep inside her mind and refused to let go.
She refused to let anyone in, shutting herself off, preferring to suffer alone, punishing herself rather than being judged for something that wasn’t her fault in the first place.
However, she wasn’t understanding that the more she delayed facing it, the more she hurt herself. It would worsen her condition, shattering her in ways no one could fix, not even Mahir, who would himself break apart.
“Take a deep breath, Radhika.” He instructed in a firm yet gentle tone as he stood before her bed.
Radha gasped, shaking her head. She was trying, trying very hard to pull herself back, but she wasn’t able to grip onto reality.
Mahir tried to step in to hold her, but Ajay stopped him, shaking his head. Helping a child when they fall once, twice, or even thrice is necessary, but helping them again and again, making them dependent, is harmful.
He pocketed his hands in his coat, “I have taught you how, Radhika. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing... nothing else.”
Fortunately, last night, Mahir had brought her to his hospital. He could conduct the session once Radha was better, as prolonging it further didn’t seem the right option for her healing.
Radha followed his instructions. She closed her eyes, only to flinch slightly; the sharp sound of that single slap echoed in her ears once again.
“Take a deep breath,” Ajay ordered.
Radha complied and focused on the rhythm of her breath, in… and out... grounding herself. Slowly, she felt the burden lifting off her chest, memories washing away, her breath coming back in control, her body relaxed bit by bit.
✨✨✨
Silence filled the air. Radha looked around the room, everywhere but at Ajay, who stood near the window. Her bhaiya had consoled her, fed her the sandwich, given her the medicine, and walked away with a simple word: “Talk!” She heard it loud and clear. He wanted her to empty her mind, her heart, her burdened thoughts, everything.
But how? Ajay was her therapist, her doctor, but somewhere she respected the man. The small banters they had in the past few sessions, the way he was patient and always had answers to every question or situation without ever making her feel small or judged…
She didn’t want to lose that respect in his eyes, if he had any. She didn’t want to lose her respect in her bhaiya, bhaiyu, or even Abhi’s eyes. If she kept Ajay out of the frame, then at least her brothers’ reaction mattered to her.
What would she tell them? That she kept quiet, knowing her father abused his wife? A single slap; yet a big violation of trust and dignity. A partner is not allowed to raise their hand on the other, regardless of gender.
No matter how much her brothers hated Sakshi, she was one hundred percent sure that if Ronit had done the same as what her father did with her mother, all three of her brothers would have stood like a rock protecting Sakshi, keeping aside their anger. That was the loyalty a mother deserved from her child, but what did she give in return except for her cowardice?
Radha couldn’t deal with their judgment. She couldn’t deal with their distance, or worse, their hate. What if they too realized that she wasn’t worth anything they showered her with? What if they someday start looking at her with disappointment instead of love? She wouldn’t be able to survive that kind of rejection from them.
“I-I am feeling sleepy,” She murmured, looking at Ajay. She wanted to be alone rather than sit through a talk show she wasn’t ready for.
Ajay simply raised an eyebrow, his hands tucked into his jeans.
Radha looked away. She knew she was caught in her lie. He didn’t need words to point it out; his expression said everything. Her Bhaiya had chosen the right shrink for her; the man could read her emotions like a machine.
“I don’t want to talk about anything,” She mumbled weakly, hoping he would take the hint and leave.
“You don’t want to… or you can’t?” Ajay asked calmly. He had been noting every shift in her; she looked every bit unsettled, on edge, as if fighting a storm within herself.
Walking away was an option only if she had been physically unwell. For now, she was fine, just weak. He didn’t mind giving her time, but shutting the conversation down at its peak wasn’t right. The vessel was still hot; he knew he could get Radha to talk now, or maybe never.
Radha looked down at her fingers. “I-I think…” She trailed off, unable to put it into words.
There was a difference between not wanting to speak and not being able to speak. Her Bhaiya had always given her choices, ways, options, everything her parents had deprived her of. She knew if she called out for Mahir, he would come in and put his foot down. But she didn’t want that. At least not now.
Ajay would judge. There were already enough people who had judged her, cursed her; one more wouldn’t matter. But her own brothers? That was something she couldn’t face.
So the best option she had right now… was this shrink.
“You should talk about your feelings more openly, Radhika,” Ajay said patiently, “Kabhi kabhi hume kya pareshan kar raha hai vo hi nahi, uske peeche ki wajah bhi utni hi maayne rakhti hai. (Sometimes, not just what is bothering us, but the reason behind it matters just as much.) We should understand why we are hurt and talk about it freely rather than keeping everything buried inside us.”
Radha slowly looked up at him, meeting his gaze. “Do I have the right to dwell on something that hurt me the most?” she asked quietly.
“There are many of my age who face worse emotional situations in their lives… who have lost their parents at a young age… who had to grow up all alone, taking responsibilities they were never ready for. Some don’t even know who gave them birth, like those we met a few days ago. I don’t think I have the right to hold onto my pain… to let it affect me this much.”
Sometimes, blaming yourself for feeling too much or not feeling anything for a particular situation was a form of self-sabotage. Ajay read through Radha clearly. She felt too much for a situation, diving deeper than she should have, and then suddenly felt nothing, blaming herself for both extremes.
“You can’t invalidate your own pain like that,” His voice remained calm yet firm, “what you feel in your heart is yours to deal with. Ignoring your pain, telling yourself that others faced worse than you… Are you lowering your own self-worth in your own eyes?”
His eyes softened slightly. “Pain is not a competition, Radhika. It doesn’t lessen just because someone else suffered more. It matters as much as you do.”
Radha swallowed hard, her eyes stinging. The words sank into her heart, settling over wounds she had ignored, convincing herself they were too small to matter. However, his words worked like a soothing balm, quietly, gently easing the chaos she had been holding inside.
Ajay walked up to Radha and settled down before her. He knew she was ready. It was hard, suffocating, almost unbearable, but she was ready. That was clear in her hazel orbs.
The first step towards healing was acceptance, but the second, the most important, was opening up.
One has to gather that courage from within. Their hearts are allowed to feel fear, of being judged, of being misunderstood, but letting those fears overpower rational thought and stepping back was not right.
One has to let go of everything and face their truth head-on, for themselves; not for family, friends, or the world... just for their own soul. And Radha was going to do just that!
Radha needs to tell truth all will there for her
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