Radha looked at the beautiful scene in front of her. The way the sun was slipping down the sky slowly looked magical. She always loved coming to the sunset point with her brothers. The place had its own calmness that could soothe her racing thoughts.
The stone path, open air, the trees surrounding and gracing nature, and the chirping of the birds returning to their safe little haven, she could see it and even feel it too. Everything was serene!
Mahir looked at his brothers, who were huddled in the corner, sitting on the stone and staring at the horizon. He looked back at his sister, who sat beside him, relaxed, with her head resting on his shoulder.
His gaze followed her; due to the rainy season, tiny puddles shimmered on the ground, just adding an amazing touch to the sunset point. The sun dipped down behind the mountains, and the water ran like melted gold across the valley.
"The water is cutting through the stones," Radha said quietly. It had never happened before, at least not as she remembered, stones had always seemed unshakable.
Mahir nodded, his tone softened as he spoke. "Everyone needs their own space, be it water or people. Water makes its own way. No matter how strong and unyielding the stone is, even the softest drop of water dripping consistently can cut through it."
Radha looked up at the sun that was now sinking behind the hills, casting a crimson-golden hue in the sky. "And that is wrong, Bhaiya. Breaking someone else just because you want your way... it's called selfish."
"And you think being selfish is wrong, Radha?" Mahir asked gently.
Radha looked at her brother, a frown creasing her forehead. "Isn't it obvious and the only truth? Being selfish means hurting others for your own comfort; everyone believes the same."
"I am not asking about what others believe." Mahir locked his eyes with hers. "I am asking what my sister believes in, what she thinks."
Radha looked away. "It doesn't matter, Bhaiya. Once Mom told me our life doesn't revolve around our beliefs. In the end, we have to accept reality as it comes, no matter how harsh it is."
Mahir shook his head firmly. "So you think I am wrong? As for me, there is nothing wrong with being selfish, Radha. It's called survival."
He pointed at the water that was flowing down the slopes of the hill. "Think of it this way: if the water doesn't cut through the stones to make a path of its own, this area will get flooded. The people living at a distance will face ruin and suffering, and nature itself will turn violent. In the end, it will cause destruction just because the water didn't act according to its nature but suppressed itself."
Radha looked at Mahir. "So you think being selfish is good? Isn't it called cruelty?" She was still not able to accept it. Her heart agreed with what her brother was trying to explain, but her subconscious mind refused to take in the truth, already clouded with what had been saved in her memory for years.
Mahir made her look back at him as she looked away. "You asked me a question at home. Remember?"
Radha nodded.
"The answer to your question about why I am doing all this is very simple. I am doing this for you, for myself, and for my brothers. What's done is done, we can't change it. Neither can we sit and worry about what the future holds for us. But we can at least live a proper present where we can do what we want, without any restrictions, fears, or hesitations."
Radha looked at him, startled. Her eyes dimmed. "I—I'm living my life just fine, Bhaiya. There is nothing wrong with it." She clearly got the implication behind her brother's words, but she refused to acknowledge it any further.
"How is living in fear each day called living?" Mahir didn't bother to cover up his words. His sister was in need of a reality check as much as she was in need of love, and he refused to wrap up sweet words and guide her on the wrong track.
"You living in fear about what mom and dad will do if something goes wrong on your end isn't call living, Radha." He continued, "Hesitating at every step you take, that's you giving power to someone else to control you. That's called being in a cage despite having the will and wings to fly high in the sky. I want you to break that very cage. Those shackles that are holding you back, you need to break them."
Mahir cradled her face, looking into her eyes. "You are fifteen, bacche, not five, that you have to ask your parents for everything. Ground rules are valid, but still, you are allowed to breathe freely, and that's what I want for my sister. That's what Arjun and Abhi want for their sister. As for Mom and Dad, you don’t need to worry about them as long as your brother is with you. No one will say you anything. Being selfish for your own peace of mind is the best thing one can do Radha and I want my sister to do just that."
Radha looked at her brother in disbelief; she didn't expect someone to say that, or better yet, her own brother to be saying those words. Slowly, frustration started to crawl into her veins. 'Live your life the way you want.' She felt like scoffing at the sentence.
Since the moment she even started to understand the meaning of parents, relationships, or family was the very moment she saw decisions being taken on her behalf. From what she did to how she did everything was decided by her mother. And for discipline, there was her father.
Love, even the simple emotion that should be unconditional, came at a price for her if she was not the best daughter.
So now, when her Bhaiya told her to live her life, be selfish for herself and that her brothers would fight for her, she should have felt warmth spreading in her cold heart, but all she felt was hate rising from within for herself.
How pathetic was she that rather than grieving the loss of her parents, she was thinking about her own freedom?
And freedom? What did she not have?
She had food to eat, clothes to wear, a roof over her head, every possible comforting necessity... she had everything, and still here she was, cribbing and crying rather than feeling shameful.
Mahir sat in silence, as always; he could read the swirling turmoil in Radha's expressive eyes. Those hazel orbs ached with pain, helplessness, vulnerability, and then guilt. And without even her saying anything, she gave away what was running in her mind.
"Radha?" he called out softly.
Radha snapped out of her daze, "Ji?"
"Are you okay?"
Radha nodded; she was fine, she had to be fine. It wasn't a choice. She had troubled her parents enough, and they left her; her Badi maa and Bade papa, she was aware of the obligation, the burden she was on them, and if she became too much of a trouble for them, they would leave her too.
She would lose her brothers, and that was the last thing Radha wanted. Her brothers were her solace; she couldn't afford to lose them. She didn't wish to add to their worries by any means. They wanted to protect her from their own parents fighting with them for her, and it was wrong in every sense.
She looked at Mahir and rose to her feet, stepping down from the stone. Taking a deep breath, she composed herself, already feeling the panic attack on its way.
She wasn't like this, but for the last few weeks, she had been slipping a lot, and that was on her. She was forgetting her father's teachings, and it was a sin.
Keeping emotions on a tight leash in every situation is called being brave; otherwise, there are enough pathetic wimps around to lose their mind in their emotions, making it their weakness. That’s what Raghav Dhanrajgir believed in, and Radha refused to forget that.
"Bhaiya..." she called out softly, forcing a smile, "I—I am happy. You don’t need to worry so much; I’ve always been like this, right? I’m living my life the way I want."
Mahir got down from stone and, crouched before her, matching her level. If it would have been tears, he would have forced himself to let go, but the uncalled facade and maturity troubled him in ways he couldn't express.
He nodded, reaching out to hold his sister's hand. "I believe that." His tone calm and soft, "I was wrong. Tu khush hai. (You are happy.) I understand, and I am happy for that, but there is still something I want from you. Something I want you to do."
Radha frowned, "And that is?"
Mahir squeezed her hand in assurance. "There is a friend of mine. He's good at guiding teens when they feel lost, confused, or too heavy inside…even when they are happy there is still something that bugs them and he is someone who listens without judging; he's a nice doctor. I want you to meet him...."
"You mean a therapist?" Radha interjected, her voice tightening.
Mahir nodded. "He is…" He trailed off as Radha pulled her hand away.
"You think I’m mad, Bhaiya?" Radha asked, hurt flashing in her eyes.
Mahir immediately shook his head. "Nahi, Radha." His tone firmed, steady yet gentle. "You're not mad, neither are you ill. Therapy isn’t about that. It helps people let go, to heal, to find some peace in the chaos. What you can't share with your brothers, you can share with a doctor. Sometimes we don’t have the right solutions for your words, or we aren’t patient and good listeners… but a therapist helps you channel what you feel. They give you a new perspective, help you see situations differently… and sometimes, just that one step makes a huge difference."
"That is called being crazy in my language, Bhaiya." Radha interjected angrily, "That is called me being mad who needs help to understand myself. I can't believe out of all, you are the one suggesting me that thing. How could you, Bhaiya? And why now? After the whole day we spent together, aap mujhse abhi yeh baat kar rahe ho? (Why are you talking to me about this now?) What’s the reason behind you bringing this topic now? We could have talked at home, what was the need to make all this drama, Bhaiya? You think I’ve just lost it completely? Or did it take just a few weeks for you to realize what kind of burden I am on you that you want to label me as psycho…”
"Radhika!" Arjun's firm voice startled her.
Arjun pulled his sister back. He heard everything she hurled at their brother; he could have even let her be, letting her take everything out of her system, but her words were hurtful and piercing, something their Bhaiya didn't deserve from anyone in their family.
"Do you even realize, Bhaiya, se kaise baat kar rahi hai tu?" Arjun chided in his firm yet gentle voice. "All he is doing is trying to help you, Radha, and..."
"Without my consent." Radha shot back, "He is trying to help me without my permission. Mene kisi se koi help nahi maangi. (I haven’t asked anyone for help.) I am fine on my own. And this is who I am. Agar aapko aapki bhen jaisi hai waise pasand nahi toh mujhse dur rahiye, I don't mind. (And this is who I am. If you don’t like me the way your sister is, then stay away from me... I don’t mind.)"
Arjun opened his mouth to say something, but Mahir pulled his brother back. No matter what they would say, Radha wouldn't understand. He didn't mind her words, even though they were hurtful; he refused to let them strike his heart. It was his sister's defense mechanism that was activated. The word therapy triggered her, all thanks to the courtesy of her parents. For now, all Mahir could do was be patient.
"Radha, I know you didn't have me permission." Mahir said softly, "And I am sorry for that. Sorry for making decisions on your behalf."
Radha looked at him, taken aback. The apology felt unaccepted and foreign to her own ears. It was her who apologized first, mistake or not, it didn't matter. But now that her brother said it so simply, she found herself speechless. She could have given it a benefit of the doubt that he said it casually, without any meaning behind it, but the sincerity lacing his voice couldn't be missed.
"Yo—you don't have to apologize, Bhaiya." Radha blurted out, flushed. Her brother was older than her; he didn't need to apologize.
Mahir shook his head firmly. "Kisi se maafi maangne se koi chota nahi ho jata, Radha. (Apologizing to someone doesn’t make one any less, Radha.) I made a mistake, and I apologized. But I am sorry because I took a decision on your behalf that you have to see the therapist, but I am not sorry for suggesting the same thing."
Radha looked at him, confused. "What’s the difference?" she couldn’t help but ask.
"That I booked the appointment beforehand rather than waiting to hear a yes from you and then doing the right thing," Mahir explained calmly.
Radha looked away; even though she wanted to argue all over again, she knew it wouldn't matter.
"I am not crazy, Bhaiya," she mumbled quietly.
"We know that, Radha." Abhi intervened softly, turning his sister to face him. He didn't like what he heard. His sister was anything but mad, "No one is crazy, but the situation we live in is what makes us crazy. Bhaiya, just want to help you, that’s all."
Radha stepped back and looked at Mahir. "You want to help me, Bhaiya?"
Mahir nodded.
Radha looked him in the eyes. "Aapne pariwar ka matlab unity, care, aur trust sikhaya tha Abhi ko. (You taught Abhi that family means unity, care, and trust.) You instilled the same values in Bhaiyu, and in me too… but now you’re the only one going back on your words?"
"What do you mean, Radha?" Mahir asked, puzzled.
"You had told Bade Papa that you would leave the house with me if he decided to send me to boarding school, right?" Radha asked accusingly, her voice trembling. "How can you, Bhaiya? How can you say something so different from the values you taught us? Bade Papa ki tabiyat meri wajah se kharab hui… aur jab maine kal aapse poocha toh aapne mujhse jhoot kaha. (Bade Papa’s health got worse because of me… and when I asked you about it yesterday, you lied to me.)"
"Jo kuch bhi hua usmein teri koi galti nahi thi, Radha, (Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, Radha,)" Mahir stated sternly.
"I was the topic, wasn’t I?" Radha asked bitterly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
Mahir went silent; he couldn't lie, but he didn't do anything wrong. It was his mother who uttered everything to Radha. He was angry at Sakshi and even Ronit and was keeping his distance, but soon he was willing to have a much-needed talk with them.
Amidst the chaos stood Abhi behind Radha, shocked and frozen in his spot after hearing Radha's words. If his brother decided to leave with Radha, then what about him? Would he leave him with their parents? Wouldn't he take him with him? Abhi wasn't that attached to his parents as much as he was to his brothers. Living without any of them was as hard as a fish without water. He wouldn't be able to survive without his brothers; he just couldn't.
Mahir stopped as he saw the look in Abhi's eyes, and a wave of guilt splashed over him. Arjun knew what happened in the study between him and Ronit, but not Abhi, as they wanted their baby brother to be protected from such reality; however, Abhi already knew enough, and that was the reason for his indifference towards his parents.
Mahir looked at Abhi as the boy came and stood before him. "Abhi..." he reached out to hold his brother's hand but stopped as Abhi stepped back.
"Radha ne jo abhi kaha, kya vo sach hai, Bhaiya? (Bhaiya, is what Radha just said true?)" Abhi asked quietly.
Radha looked at Mahir and Arjun, shocked. They didn't tell Abhi anything? She regretted saying the words and upsetting her brother without meaning to. That was the problem; she never thought before opening her stupid mouth, and now she was paying the price. The hurt in Abhi's eyes increased her guilt tenfold.
"Abhi, Bhaiya had a reason for what he did," Arjun stepped in, gently pulling his baby brother back. "Bhaiya wouldn’t do anything to hurt us."
"Agar kal ko aapko Radha ke saath ghar chhod kar jana pada toh kya mujhe saath mein leke chalenge, Bhaiya? (If tomorrow you have to leave the house with Radha, will you take me along too, Bhaiya?)" Abhi asked Mahir, with hope shining in his eyes.
Mahir closed his eyes; he couldn't. With Radha, it was different, and with Abhi, it was different. He loved all his siblings equally, but still... it was complicated in many ways. He couldn't make his brother understand.
The silence that followed hurt Abhi more. He didn't resent Radha, nor would he ever, but he didn't expect that from his Bhaiya.
Arjun tried to explain, but Mahir shook his head, making the latter look away. Abhi was growing mature, but still, there was an innocence of a sixteen-year-old boy that was still there, and both Mahir and Arjun wished to keep it intact.
Radha held Abhi's hand as he tried to leave toward the parked car. The silence gave away the answer, and it didn't sit well with her. Her brothers didn't deserve that, especially not because of her.
"We fight, we fall, we rise... Together! That's what you taught us, Bhaiya. No matter what happens, we’ll stay together." She stated firmly and looked at Mahir, extending her palm. "Promise me, Bhaiya. Promise me ki chahe kuch bhi ho, aap ghar chhodne ka faisla kabhi nahi lenge. (Promise me that no matter what, you’ll never decide to leave the house.) You won't break what we have, not for me or anyone."
Mahir's face closed off. He would never promise something that he couldn't keep. If for the sake of his sister's mind and peace he had to leave his house, he would.
"It' getting late, we should leave." His tone didn't leave any room for arguments as he walked away.
Radha looked at her brothers' retreating backs. At the end of the day, she was the reason behind the chaos happening in her own house, and she felt helpless in front of her brothers' stubbornness.
✨✨✨
The ride was silent, a stark contrast to the joyful mood in which the siblings were. Each sat in the car, lost in their own thoughts, the weight of unspoken words pressing heavier than the silence itself.
Mahir drove, his grip tightening on the steering wheel with each passing second as Radha’s words echoed in his ears. If only he had a time machine, he would wish to go back and let Raghav and Payal know how much of irreplaceable, selfish, and neglectful parents they had been.
Arjun sat in the back, feeling same emotions as Mahir for their parents, who were as responsible as Raghav and Payal for their sister's distress.
Abhi's head rested against the window as he saw the passing cars. His eyes seemed lost and distant, missing the spark they always held. He was hurt; he resented his parents even more as they were the cause of the chaos, but what made his heart ache was Mahir's silence in response to the question he asked his brother. He didn't want to lose his brother, his Bhaiya and Bhaiyu, but… he didn't know what to think or feel anymore.
Radha sat in the passenger seat with her eyes closed, her mind playing the flashback she didn't wish to revisit...
Eleven-year-old Radha looked at her father from under her lashes. It had been two weeks since she had been back from the hospital after her first panic attack.
Both Mahir and Arjun had been by her side, and for a change, her parents didn’t mind. However, in between those two weeks, Radha felt the taste of indifference from her parents. Usually, when angry, they would burst at her regardless of the place or words, but for the last two days, they both had been oddly quiet and distant, and that stung.
Not that she was desperate for their scoldings, but she was desperate for their love. Her mother came to meet her at the hospital just once, and her father... well, he was an exception who didn't even bother wasting his time behind an unnecessary being he called his daughter.
As she was growing up, she was understanding the picture more, and it was starting to hurt her innocent heart.
"Radhika." Raghav's deep baritone voice yanked her out of her thoughts.
Meekly, she looked at her father, who sat opposite to her behind the desk in his study.
"What do you want me to do?" Raghav asked coldly, leaning back in the chair.
Radha frowned, puzzled. "Ab—about Wh—what, Papa?"
"Well, I don't know if you noticed or not, it's been two weeks since me and your mother aren't talking to you."
Radha nodded slowly.
Raghav leaned forward, resting his arms on the table and interweaving his fingers in front. His gaze was stern, as was his voice as he spoke. "The reason was me and your mother were giving time to ourselves. Time to understand what we did so wrong that our daughter ended up in the hospital. What we did so wrong that our eleven-year-old daughter had a panic attack."
He raised his eyebrows slightly, "Can you tell me, Radhika? What went wrong? Where did your parents fail? Did we not love you enough? Did we abuse you? Didn't we think for our own daughter? Her betterment? For her well-being and future? Where did we go wrong, Radhika?"
Tears prickled in Radha's eyes as she shook her head, lowering her gaze, unable to look at her father. Each word that dripped from his mouth laced with disappointment made her realize how bad of a daughter she was to make her own parents question their actions. It was her fault, she admitted it from within. If only she had controlled herself rather than collapsing in front of everyone, the situation might have been different.
"Sorry, Papa," Radha mumbled quietly, looking down.
"No, Radhika, you don't have to apologize," Raghav said in his usual tone. "It is me who should apologize. It is your mother who should apologize. We should be ashamed of what we did, but not anymore. We have decided something."
Radha looked at her father, startled. There was an edge in his tone that bugged her.
"Your mother and I have decided to give you space," Raghav stated firmly. "You can do whatever you want, however you want. No restrictions, no punishments, and no need to ask our permission. You live your life, and Payal and I will live ours. I will ask the staff to shift your room to a different side of the wing, away from mine and Payal's room. You don't even have to look at your parents' faces and feel suffocated. You will be free forever. How does that sound?"
Radha shook her head; she didn't want that. All she wanted was her parents' understanding and love, not the distance. They already shared enough of it; she wouldn't be able to take more.
"I—I don't want it—it, Dad," Radha forced out the words anxiously.
Raghav looked her in the eyes, "Really? Are you sure about that?"
Radha nodded vigorously, anything to not lose her parents.
Raghav's face hardened, "Then stop crying and wipe away those tears." His voice raised an octave as he ordered.
Radha flinched slightly and immediately wiped away the tears from her face; her father hated tears, and she didn't wish to anger him.
Raghav leaned forward, his eyes piercing through her soul. "If you don't want to do what I just said, then start controlling your emotions. Learn how to do it rather than behaving like a toddler who cries over every small thing. And stop making your parents a laughing stock in front of everyone. Or I won't mind shifting you away from your mother and me just because you couldn't be obedient. Clear?"
Radha nodded immediately.
"Mahir wants to send you to therapies," Raghav continued, his tone turning sharp. "But I won't allow that. You are my daughter, Radhika, and I won't let you malign my name that's attached to yours just like that. These therapies and all are for stupid people, and my daughter isn't allowed to come on that list. Start behaving properly, or I won't hesitate to take much-needed actions."
Just as Radha walked out of the study, she rushed to her parent's room to find her mother. She needed reassurance. She needed to feel that her one mistake didn't detach her from her parents.
She hugged her mother from behind, wrapping her hands around Payal's waist, who was doing something in the wardrobe.
"Leave me, Radhika," Payal said, trying to pull back, but Radha tightened her grip.
"I am sorry, Mumma," she mumbled softly.
Payal ignored the words, arranging the clothes. "You don't have to pretend, Radhika. I understand we have been wrong, and we are ready to rectify our mistakes. You can be on your own, and..."
"I am sorry," Radha repeated, interjecting. The more she heard, the more fear gripped her heart in a deadly hold.
"I—I promise phir--phir se aisa nahi hoga,(It won't happen again.)" Radha choked on her words. "I---I will control myself. Mujhe... mujhe phir se panic attack aaya toh...(Even if I get another panick attack)...." she gasped as Payal turned abruptly, holding her arm in a tight grip.
"Yeh panic attack wagair kuch nahi hota, (This so-called panic attack is nothing,)" Payal hissed. "I am done hearing that term again and again. Tujhse zyada duniya dekhi hai maine (I’ve seen more of the world than you), yet I've never heard of such words. Just because that doctor told you... Will you stick to that term like a glue? Itna galat kar rahe hain Mein aur tere Papa tere sath, that you are so stressed about it? Tujhse zyada toh phir humare haal khabar hone chahiye for the kind of daughter you are growing up into. (Me and your dad are doing it so wrong that you’re getting stressed over it? It is us in real who are might be facing the worst because of the kind of daughter you’re growing up into.) Using terms to her advantage and manipulating her parents by falling sick just for attention. Bol kya karu mein tera? Huh? Ek baat kaan khul ke sun le Radhika, I will never fall for such tricks. Tu khud sudhar ja aur I won't mind straightening you up. (Tell me, what am I supposed to do with you? Huh? Listen carefully, Radhika, I will never fall for such tricks. You better straighten yourself up, or I won’t mind doing that myself.)"
Radha snapped out of her daze as the car came to a halt. Without waiting for anyone, she opened the door and stepped out, walking into the home.
She remembered nodding before her mother, agreeing to her words. She promised herself after that day that she would never go to anyone with her issues. Nor her parents, who were almost done with her, nor her badi maa bade papa, who hated her, nor her brother, who might get in trouble because of her. At the end of the day, she was the cause of everything happening in her family.
Back then, whenever Mahir broached the topic with her, she closed off from him and started to keep her distance from him, and she didn't mind repeating the same in present!
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