Chapter- 33

Radha sat on the terrace, gazing at the black canvas above her. It was one of those still, moonless nights where stars sparkled like diamonds, bold and fierce against the darkness, each telling a story of its own. A cool breeze wafted across her skin, making her shiver slightly, yet she didn’t move, letting the breeze brush past her.

Like always, her thoughts were running at a hundred miles. Her life was moving on at its own pace. It had been twelve weeks since she lost her parents, almost two and a half months, yet Radha still wasn’t able to let go. Not of her parents, but of the memories that had been haunting her. And apart from that, the battle between her heart and mind refused to settle down. Every other minute, she found herself thinking, overthinking and rethinking every little moment.

She looked up, startled, as a jacket was dropped onto her lap. Abhi settled down beside her, stargazing.

“You will catch a cold,” He said quietly, leaning back against the railing.

Radha sighed, wrapping his jacket around her. ”Why haven’t you slept yet?”

Abhi shrugged. ”I was going to get water and saw the terrace door open. What are you doing here?”

Radha shrugged, pulling her knees close to her chest. ”I just woke up. I thought everyone was asleep, so I came here.”

Abhi glanced at her once before looking up at the sky. ”Are you okay?” he asked unsure.

Radha stilled for a heartbeat before looking away. ”Agar meri jagah tujhe kam marks aaye hote toh? (What if you had scored low marks instead of me?) Bhaiya and Bhaiyu would have reacted worse,” she said, voicing the thought that had been circling her mind since evening.

Abhi chuckled softly. ”That’s because I hate studies.”

Radha didn’t respond. She knew differently.

Abhi sat up straight, facing her. ”Tujhe lagta hoga ki Bhaiya tere aur mere liye partial hai, but aisa nahi hai, Radha. Bhaiya aur Bhaiyu tujhse aur mujhse ek jaisa hi pyaar karte hain. (You might feel that Bhaiya is partial between you and me, but that’s not true, Radha. Bhaiya and Bhaiyu love both of us equally.) And even if Bhaiya has a slightly special place for you in his heart…”

He reached out, resting his hand on hers. ”I don’t mind it. Because the truth is… all your three brothers have a special edge for you in our hearts that no one can change. Bhaiya always scolded me for my marks because I never pay attention to my studies.”

He gave a self-deprecating smile. ”Just to get on my so-called parents’ nerves, I prefer to fail. But Bhaiya... He don’t want me to destroy my future in the name of revenge. That’s why they are a bit tough when it comes to my studies.”

He held her gaze. ”Meri aankhon mein aankhen daal ke bol ki padhai ke alawa Bhaiya ya phir Bhaiyu ne mujhe kabhi daanta? Kabhi bina kisi wajah se punish kiya? (Look me in the eye and tell me, other than studies, have Bhaiya or Bhaiyu ever scolded me? Have they ever punished me without a reason?) Did they ever scold me for something and not scold you for the same thing? Bhaiya punished you by making you drink that disgusting juice because you walked out of the house. But ask yourself, if I had done the same, would Bhaiya’s reaction really have been any different? We call him “Hitler,” but is that just a joke or actually the truth?”

Radha looked away first. She was realizing it a bit too late everything Abhi said was true. Abhi would have been grounded for life if he had made the same mistake as hers. But their brothers, had never raised their hand on their younger siblings. They showed their anger through silence or by walking away, but never physically.

“I am so... Ouch!” She hissed as Abhi flicked her forehead.

“Don’t you dare complete that word,” Abhi hissed, annoyed. ”Problem kya hai teri? Sorry, sorry, sorry karti rehti hai. Isse accha toh apne saath ek banner leke ghoom, jahan lage wahan dikha dena. (What is your problem? You keep saying sorry all the time. It would be better if you just carried a banner around with you show it wherever needed.) Or even better, change your name to Sorry Dhanrajgir.”

Radha whacked him hard. ”You love spoiling my mood, right?”

Abhi rolled his eyes. ”You are the one who loves to get on my nerves, not me. And anyway, to ruin a mood, you actually need to have a good mood first. You roam around 24 hours with that ‘ripped onion’ face of yours. Not my fault.”

Radha whacked him again without any remorse. ”Tune mujhe ripped onion kaha? (Did you just call me a ripped onion?)”

“Not you... your face.,” Abhi shot back. He instinctively stopped her hand as she tried to hit him again. ”Ok enough… if you hit me one more time, I won’t be able to stop myself.”

Radha raised an eyebrow in challenge. ”Tu mujhe marega? Mujhe? Are you sure? (You will hit me? Me? Are you sure?)”

Abhi immediately let go of her hand. ”I don’t have a death wish.” He could read a dangerous look when he saw one. His sister was a little menace the girl would complain to Mahir with tons of dramatics and fake tears, and he would end up paying the price. Nope! Thanks, but no thanks.

Radha looked down at her phone as the notification pinged. Her eyes lit up as she realized her favorite author had uploaded a new audio of her poetry. Plugging the earphones into one ear, she passed the other to Abhi and tapped on the player.

Andhere kamre mein khud ko khoj rahe the,
Diye jale toh saya bhi darne laga.

Saansen thami thi, par hausla na chhuta,
Toote the magar ab bhi bikhre nahi!

(In a dark room, I was searching for myself,
Even the shadows grew afraid when the lamps were lit.

My breaths had stilled, yet my courage never slipped,
I was broken, yes but I still hadn’t fallen apart.)

Kya kisi ne kabhi socha hai, zindagi mein itna kuch hone ke baad bhi, apno ka saath chhutne ke baad bhi, hum zinda kyun rehte hain? Kyun jab dard hadh paar kar jata hai tab hansi aa jaati hai? Kyun khushi ke samay rona aata hai? Aur kyun raat ke baad din? (Has anyone ever wondered, after going through so much in life, even after losing the people we call our own, why do we still keep living? Why is it that when pain crosses its limits, we end up laughing? Why do we feel like crying in moments of happiness? And why does night always turn into day?)

Samay ruk bhi toh sakta hai? Humein ek mauka de sakta hai khud ko sambhalne ka, apne dil ko behlane ka… lekin nahi. Zindagi bas aage badhti rehti hai. (Can time not pause for a while? Give us a moment to gather ourselves, to comfort our hearts… but no. Life just keeps moving forward.)

Shayad woh sab isliye kyunki humari zindagi mein humein balance bhi toh chaiye, jahan gham, wahan khushi types. (Maybe it’s all because we need balance in our lives, where there is sorrow, there must be happiness too.)

Author’s soft laugh echoed through the earphones.

Ab agar zindagi mein chunautiyan na ho, toh woh uss phool jaise ho jayegi jise paani toh roz diya jaata hai, uska khayal bhi rakha jaata hai, lekin vo kabhi badh nhi pati. (Because if life had no challenges, it would become like a flower that is watered every day, taken care of… yet never truly grows.)

Aage badhna seekhiye janaab, kya pata kuch naya aapke aane wale kal ko badal ke rakh de. (Learn to move forward, dear, who knows, something new might completely change your tomorrow.)

Apne har pal ko jeena seekhiye, beete hue kal ko soch kar apne samay ko barbaad ya apne dil ko bechain karne se koi fayda nahi hai. (Learn to live every moment, because overthinking the past will only wastes your time and unsettles your heart for no reason.)

Silence filled the air as the voice faded away and the audio ended.

Abhi nudged his sister. ”What was that?” Confusion laced his tone.

Radha chuckled. The look on his face was like he had just heard an alien language. He didn’t understand a single word. She had been hearing those recordings a lot. It was an 18-year-old girl who liked writing, her name was Eshita, but from where she was, or how she looked, Radha knew nothing. Yet the girl always found a way to motivate her, to help her find clarity when the chaos in her mind became too loud.

Radha could at least live in the moment, and she would, without any remorse!

✨✨✨

New day brought new turmoil for Radha, her eyes wet with unshed tears and her heart squeezing painfully. On her lap lay the upcoming annual event her school was conducting, like every year.

The students had to participate in different activities with their parents, and the winners would receive a trophy with the names of both the parent and student engraved on it. It would be kept on display in the school auditorium till the next year.

Radha wiped away the tears that spilled over without her consent. Why did every little memory she had with her parents feel inked in pain and harsh realities?

“There is no need to participate in all this noise,” Raghav snapped. ”Focus on your studies, Radhika. I am done repeating the same thing every day.”

“I am focusing on my studies, Dad,” Radha dared to mumble quietly. ”I promise I will get the first prize in this year’s Math Olympiad. But please, mujhe Mumma ke saath iss competition mein hissa lene dijiye. (But please, let me participate in this competition with Mom.) I really want to apply for this year’s participation event. It’s my first time. Next year se toh boards ke preparation hogi. I won’t be able to focus on anything else.”

“Did you even ask me if I want to go or not, Radhika?” Payal interjected sharply, ”Your father said no... it means no. There is no need to argue further on this matter.”

Radha’s eyes welled up with angry tears. ”Aap dono hamesha hi aisa karte hain. Jab bhi mujhe kuch chaiye hota hai, you both deny it. (You both always do this. Whenever I want something, you deny it.) It’s not like I am asking for gadgets or expensive things. All I want is to participate in the event. I wouldn’t have even asked you, but I need a partner, and unfortunately it has to be a parent… otherwise I would have participated without your permiss....” Her words were cut off abruptly as Payal slapped her hard.

Radha looked at her mother with teary eyes, hurt and disbelief etched across her face.

“Bina pooche participate kar leti? (You would have participated without asking?)” Payal hissed, ”Itni himmat aa gayi hai tujh mein? Don’t forget, tere maa-baap hain hum tere. Tere liye kya sahi aur kya galat, woh decide karne ka faisla humara hai. Samjhi? (You have gotten that much courage? Don’t forget, we are your parents. It’s our decision to decide what’s right and wrong for you. Understood?)”

“Do you really think you will win, Radhika?” Raghav asked, turning his daughter to face him, his tone calm and composed. Like his wife didn’t just slap his teenage daughter.

“We don’t have a problem with participating, Radhika. But we are saying this for your own good. If you lose, you will embarrass yourself and your parents in front of everyone, and I don’t want that. First focus on your studies, get good marks, and then we will think about these activities. Clear?”

Radha remembered nodding her head. She was hurt, not just by the slap, as she was used to it, but by the way her father didn’t want to be embarrassed because of her. He wasn’t ready to give her a chance, to have faith in her, that she could do something worthy enough to bring pride to their name, not shame or disappointment.

Radha palmed her face, feeling like crying her heart out. She didn’t want to relive those memories again. Now that her parents were gone, and Ronit and Sakshi were out of the picture, she knew she had no one to participate with.

Her Bhaiyu had court cases, her Bhaiya had his concert on the day of the event, and Abhi… well, he had his boards. She was ready to ask her brothers, they would even give up their routines just for her sake, but she couldn’t bring herself to be selfish.

Radha was so used to being second or last in priorities for her parents that today, when her brothers offered even the slightest attention, she felt guilt clawing up her heart, scratching hard against her conscience, rather than love or comfort.

Radha was completely lost in her thoughts when Mahir knocked at the door and came inside, startling her. She immediately hid the form under the blanket, but unfortunately, he noticed the movement.

Mahir frowned, ”What was that?”

Radha forced a smile, shaking her head, ”Nothing, just an assignment paper. Leave that... tell me, when did you come? And how was your day? How is your concert preparation going?”

Mahir felt something was off but let it slide for her sake, trusting her. ”It’s going good. You want to come along this time? Abhi and Arjun will be there too.”

Radha blinked, startled. She had always denied him because her parents didn’t want her to go. In the process of pleasing them, she had hurt her brothers more than once. Every time they tried to include her, in birthday bashes, late-night rides, or concerts; she forced them to go alone, always making up some excuse.

“Take your time, Radha,” Mahir said gently, ”There are still two weeks left for the concert. You can tell me before that, okay?”

Radha gave a hesitant nod. She would think about it.

“Did you have your lunch?” Mahir asked softly.

Radha shook her head, ”I will eat later. I still have a little homework left, otherwise the teacher will punish me. I feel sleepy after eating, so let me finish this first, then I’ll eat.”

Mahir chuckled lightly, ruffling her hair. ”Fine, I will help you, then we will have lunch together.”

Radha nodded when Abhi barged into her room unannounced.

Radha glared at him, ”How many times have I told you to knock before entering a girl’s room? Don’t you even know that? Why do you always forget?”

Abhi picked up a pillow and threw it straight at her face. ”Meri marzi! (My wish!)”

Radha looked at Mahir, annoyed. ”Bhaiya dekho na isse, kaise apni chhoti behen ko maar raha hai. Aap isse kuch bolte bhi nahi ho. Yeh mere room mein knock kiye bina aa jata hai. (Bhaiya, look at him... he’s hitting his younger sister. You don’t even say anything him. He always enters my room without knocking.) Teach your brother the difference between bad manners and good manners.”

Mahir bit back a smile. She looked so adorable with that expression that he wanted to pull her cheeks.

Radhika shook him, ”Bhaiya… scold him.”

Mahir playfully glared at his brother. ”Yeh kya tareeka hai, Abhishek? Aise room mein bina knock kiye koi aata hai kya? Bad manners hote hain, kitni baar bataya hai… (What kind of behavior is this, Abhishek? Does anyone enter a room without knocking? These are bad manners, haven’t I told you so many times?)”

Abhi looked at him, shocked. His bhaiya never scolded him for such petty things.

Mahir felt like whacking his dim brother. He winked subtly to send the message.

Abhi bit his tongue, he really was dumb sometimes. He looked down, pulling a sad puppy face. ”Sorry, bhaiya.”

“What do you mean by sorry, huh? And how can you hit your sister? Look at her, you have messed up her hair too.” Mahir’s voice rose an octave.

“Arrey, kya hai aapka bhaiya, (Oh come on, bhaiya, what is this?)” Radha jumped in to his defence, ”daantne bola tha, chillane ko nahi. Chilla toh aise rahe ho jaise koi crime hi kar diya ho. Theek hai na, bhai hai mera, kare jo karna hai. Aapke andar na bhooke sher ki aatma aati hai, shikar dekha nahi ki nikal padte ho jhapta maarne. (I asked you to scold him, not shout at him. You are yelling as if he committed a crime. It’s fine, he’s my brother, let him do whatever he wants. Honestly, it’s like a hungry lion’s spirit enters you... you see prey and immediately pounce on it.)”

She turned to look at Abhi, ”Why are you standing there with such a sad face? I was just joking, how was I supposed to know he’d actually yell at you?” Leaning forward, she hugged him tightly.

Mahir and Abhi shared a look, their sister couldn’t see them sad, no matter what.

Radha pulled back, ”Why did you come here anyway?”

Abhi slapped his forehead, ”Oh right! I completely forgot to ask you, did you tell bhaiya about the event?”

Mahir frowned, ”Which event?”

Radha tightened her grip on Abhi’s hand, trying to stop him, but her idiot of a brother had already blurted everything out. She dared to glance at her brother and immediately looked down. His eyes were burning with anger. First, she lied to him, and second, she hid something so important. Again.

“Show me the form.” Mahir commanded, his voice sharp.

Radha immediately took out the form from under her blanket and passed it to him without a word. Her bhaiya was angry, she could hear it in his tone.

Mahir took the form and walked away just as his phone rang.

Abhi whispered nervously, ”What happened? Why did he look so angry?”

Radhika glared, ”Dimaag ka fuse udd gaya hai kya? Tera haath daba ke mana kar rahi thi na ki mat bata, phir kyun bataya? Idiot! Faltu mein ab woh pareshan honge ya apna concert cancel karenge… (Have you lost your mind? I was squeezing your hand to tell you not to say anything, then why did you? Idiot! Now he will get worried for no reason or might even cancel his concert…)” She sat on the bed, annoyed.

Abhi, irritated, ”You didn’t tell bhaiya? Are you mad? For the past three years, I have been performing with either bhaiya or bhaiyu. This year I didn’t participate because I was done with mom’s taunts. You had your reasons before, but now… you can just ask bhaiya for what you want. Why can’t you understand something so simple?”

Radha looked away, ”Baat mere samajhne ya na samajhne ki nahi hai. Main jaanti hoon bhaiya mere ek kehne par apna kaam chhod kar mere saath aayenge. But it’s about… I don’t know how to explain that to you. Jitna aasan tujhe lag raha hai, utna aasan mere liye kuch bhi nahi hai. (It’s not about whether I understand or not. I know bhaiya would leave everything and come with me if I asked. But it’s about… I don’t know how to explain it to you. As easy as it seems to you, nothing is that easy for me.) Or maybe it is simple… I am just not used to it.”

Abhi shook his head, ”Radha, bhaiya tere liye stand le rahe hain toh tu khud ke liye bhi stand lena seekh. (Radha, if bhaiya is standing up for you, then you should learn to stand up for yourself too.) You have your own perceptions, but still you can choose to rise above them.”

Radha glared at him, ”Do you think that if I had gone to bhaiya today, he would have agreed? And after that, if Badi Maa or Bade Papa found out, what would have happened? Would they have agreed? They would have created a huge scene. I don’t want to fight with my own family, Abhi. Because of me, bhaiya would again have to face Bade Papa the fight...” she trailed off when she saw Abhi staring at the door.

Radha turned and rose to her feet instantly when she saw Mahir standing there.

Mahir walked in, picked up the pen from the study table, and signed the form before passing it to Radha.

Radha stared at the form numbly. She looked at her brother, shocked. He didn’t sign in the section of guardian, but in the section of father’s name was his signature. Tears spilled over before she could stop them, that was not something she expected.

She was okay with him signing the form as her guardian, but this… this was him claiming her as his own without hesitation. Her heart swelled and shattered at the same time, overwhelmed with love, pain, and a belonging she had craved all her life.

Mahir held his child closer to his heart as Radha hugged him. He knew what he did, and he didn’t regret even a little.

Abhi walked away, giving his siblings space. He noticed the signature and was relieved that his bhaiya did what was right. Radhika Dhanrajgir was Mahir Dhanrajgir’s first daughter, his first child. Blood didn’t bind them, nor did the relationship.... but an elder brother is an extension of a father figure and sometimes, the one who chooses you becomes more than the one who gave you life!

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